Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize