I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
