I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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