we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
