normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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