it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
