Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
