I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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