Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
