Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
