I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
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