There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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