I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize