I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
