love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
