we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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