Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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