I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize