hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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