Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I have demons in me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
