The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize