I got chris browned last night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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