And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
