Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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