Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want her autograph on my taint
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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