I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
