he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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