Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
