for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
