Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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