: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think I am morally bankrupt
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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