Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
