Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
