He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I believe in your delicious
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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