people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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