I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
