honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize