omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
