How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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