i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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