I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
