I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
