God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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