Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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