we're chasing vodka with high fives
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
