Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
