You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
