my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it's great music for shaving your balls
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize