watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
