You're so nebulous sometimes
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
