I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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