The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
50% drunk capacity currently
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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