I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
