i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
