Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
3pm strippers are depressing
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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