I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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