Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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