My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
