Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
