TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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