is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
