shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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