I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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