They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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