nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
