so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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