My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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