Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
