haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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