Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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