Define "chronic" masturbator.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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