i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
