Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
