i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize