I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
