if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
