Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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