I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
