Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
