I wanna passion pit in your ass
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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