I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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