BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
