Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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