your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
