Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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