oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
