I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
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he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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