hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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