hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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