I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
