dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
