i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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