you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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