kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Houston, we have a squirter
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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