AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
