NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
