I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
