Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize