We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
