I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
