my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
