All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
