I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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