Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize