Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
