now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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