we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize