The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
